Over two years have gone by since I, Chao Yan's mom, last posted on this blog! I guess it's time for an update!
Many interesting things have taken place in the 32 months that Chao Yan has been home with us. Her first months learning how to live in a family were not always easy. We all experienced growing pains, and we all worked very hard to persevere through them. The good news is that with consistency, love, and the stability of family, Chao Yan flourished! She has developed into a beautiful and talented young lady with a bright future ahead of her. To be witness to such a transformation has been nothing short of a miracle.
In my graduate studies several years ago, I had to do a fairly indepth study of Statistics. I've always been intrigued by the "outliers", or the little pieces of statistical data that didn't fit neatly within the norm. In fact, my fascination with "outliers" has largely defined my life both personally and professionally. There's something about working with those little numbers at the edges of the bell curve that just grab and intrigue me.
When we first pursued this adoption, there were those who advised us not to adopt a child older than our other four kids. Others worried that older children come with "baggage", or histories, or unknown illnesses. And they were right on all accounts. Upending the birth order presented challenges, as did the baggage and the history, and even some unknown medical issues. It was all there. And it wasn't easy to navigate, even though we did our best to prepare ourselves ahead of time for the range of possibilities. But as we considered this adoption, there it was again--that "outlier"--beckoning me to once again focus on that which generally gets explained away as insignificant. Because in this crazy world we live in, no CHILD should ever be an outlier.
So as my husband and I navigated our new role in newly-adoptive-teenage- parenting, we learned things about ourselves that we never knew. We discovered that patience sometimes has to come from somewhere so deep that at times it seems otherworldly. We learned to work as a family and to bind together when times got tough. We realized how powerless we were to be good parents without relying on the good Lord to carry us when we were too spent to go it on our own. We troubleshooted, problem solved, cried, laughed, and prayed our way through teaching our daughter how to live in a family. And ever so slowly, the statistics changed. She learned to trust, to love, and to allow herself to be parented. And we became stronger, better people in the process of learning how to be her mom and dad.
Older child adoption is not for the faint of heart. But if you are the type that likes to think outside the box, seeks to make a difference in your world, or likes to stretch your own abilities and grow as a person, it may just be for you. I could not have ever imagined the road we've taken, and conversely, I can't imagine life without my oldest daughter. She is a blessing!
Chao Yan is now 16 years old. She is fluent in English and holds a 93 average in the class. She excels in Math, has many friends, and enjoys Facebook and music. She has managed to maintain her Chinese language, and she still keeps in touch with one of her former nannies from her orphanage in China. She rejoices each time another older child gets adopted, and her heart is heavy for those who never will. Someday, I am fully confident that she will make her own difference for children who wait for a family. What mom could ever ask for more than that?
